Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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