Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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