Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
