Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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