I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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