I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
And then he peed in my hair
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