no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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