I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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