I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
