so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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