I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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