No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
