It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
