Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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