I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
