all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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