It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
