My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
