WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have already put on my inside pants.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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