I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
