My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
