we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so let's talk penis.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
