I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
