Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
