i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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