Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
