she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
