This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
