why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
