Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize