I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize