I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
