We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
