For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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