"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
