During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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