I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
