I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
