i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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