you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
