Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
