You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
