Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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