having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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