Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
