so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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