Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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