If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
