I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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