my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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