his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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