I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
4 words: hood of his car
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
