The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is wine microwaveable?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
