even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
