i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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