I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
