sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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