I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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