i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
