I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
