I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
