"it" just moved
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
