nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
