i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and she was petting her beer can
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize