you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
