What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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