So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
