I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
