And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
