ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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